Looking for the heart fully alive
life
Delight and Desire
Jul 22nd
A common passage. A treasured promise, for me and many others.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4 NIV)
Have you noticed the focus often placed on “… he will give you…”? Because we want the desires of our heart. I know I sure do.
But…
The other part comes first… “Delight yourself in the Lord and…”
They are not disconnected, as much as we try to do that. It is more like ’cause and effect’.
So, if I am sitting around expecting the desires of my heart to materialise without delighting myself in the Lord then I might as well keep on dreaming.
Placing our primary focus on God is ridiculously difficult because we really just want to focus on self. When we delight in the Lord there is no room to delight in self because God is just soooo big.
And what of the desires of our heart? He’ll place the best and truest ones within it, while we’re busy looking at Him most likely, and then He’ll delight in giving those desires to us.
You know, it does make sense. After all, it is the desire of His heart for us to delight in Him, to know and love Him.
Just some Thursday morning thoughts as I wake up… in more ways than one.
It’s not easy.
Jul 20th
I’ve determined that life just isn’t easy.
My observation skills have been in overdrive lately considering and pondering far too many things.
Not much is easy.
- It’s not easy being single. It’s not easy being married.
- It’s not easy living with your family. It’s not easy being on your own.
- It’s not easy having kids. It’s not easy not being able to have kids.
- It’s not easy working for a living. It’s not easy being unemployed.
- It’s not easy taking on something that is new. It’s not easy sticking to the same thing for a long time.
- It’s not easy being sick or injured. It’s not easy watching people you love suffer.
- It’s not easy exercising to become truly fit. It’s not easy exercising to challenge a truly fit body.
- It’s not easy being lonely. It’s not easy being in demand.
- It’s not easy going unrecognized for things you’ve done. It’s not easy being recognized for things you’ve done, especially if you remain unknown for who you actually are.
- It’s not easy when somebody else gets the credit. It’s not easy when you get to take all the credit — or the blame.
- It’s not easy when you don’t know what you don’t know. It’s not easy when you do know what you don’t know.
- It’s not easy to know what you want. It’s not easy to get what you want.
- It’s not easy to recognize what you need. It’s not easy to accept what you need.
- It’s not easy to view ourselves as others see us. It’s not easy to stop trying to see ourselves as we believe others must see us.
- It’s not easy to be seen. It’s not easy to be ignored.
- It’s not easy to stop writing like this when I could literally go on all night following this form…
With very few exceptions, regardless of what we do, or don’t do, there is an element of “It’s not easy…” to it. Getting somewhere just isn’t easy. Going nowhere usually isn’t easy either. How often we long for or pine after something that isn’t our present experience. A key point I’m trying to make tonight — and primarily to myself — is that the motivation had better not be because that “other thing” is easier. Because not much is easy.
For me, this is a big lesson for some reason. I’ve had to scrap the mentality of “if only … happened” or “it would be good when … finally happens”. Sure, it has been great when some of these kinds of things have actually happened… and also sometimes for them to have come and passed by, thankfully. But the value in these things must come from so much more than the thing itself. It has to be about the journey to get there, or to survive it, or to be made more compassionate to others because of it, or to find joy, perhaps.
It’s not easy being green. It’s not easy being human. That’s the way it is.
But, “not easy” does not necessarily equate to “not good”, thankfully. There are an awful lot of not easy things worth fighting for or fighting through. And sometimes, even just worth putting up with.
- It’s not easy to be a good friend or family member or spouse or parent. But how good these things can be, and are meant to be.
- It’s not easy to learn something new. But how good that knowledge can be for us or for somebody else we can help because of it.
- It’s not easy to put up with crap day in and day out. But how good it can be when we take that stupid stuff and relate to another person because of it, or shine brighter because we didn’t give up when things were rough, or perhaps because we chose not compromise standards despite the constant pressure.
It’s not easy. Anybody who knows their Bible knows that Jesus’ life was not easy. Anybody who has been alive for a moment knows it’s not easy. But it is possible. And there is value in living out the “not easy” things. ”For nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:36-37) And nothing wasted either.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)
- Not sure what a “yoke” or a “burden” refers to in this passage? Take a look at this commentary for more insight.
Overnight successes and dreams of all shapes and sizes
Jul 8th
Have you ever heard that overnight successes often take years to come to fruition? Usually accompanied by lots of hard work and hard knocks.
Tonight I was thinking that, even with all of that long and winding road of an experience, there must always come a point where it’s the figurative “night before”. What does that make it — Overnight Success Eve? I don’t know. Whatever we try to call or not call it, there is always that moment even if we cannot recognize it.
So, is it the same with dreams? Sometimes we wait an awfully long time wondering if a dream will come to pass or fall by the wayside. Sometimes we can “make our dreams come true”. A good friend recently said something to this effect: a dream becomes a goal only when we set the plan in motion to achieve it. I liked that thought very much. It puts the responsibility and the accountability to me to DO SOMETHING. Oh initiative…
But sometimes there isn’t much we can do with our dreams but wait. Watch. Pray. Be patient. Wonder. Worry. Forget. Remember. Dream some more. And sometimes we find out that our dream isn’t actually the dream we thought it was. Maybe we’re not fully aware of the dream yet. Perhaps it’s not fully formed in our mind’s eye. Or maybe God’s got something in mind that we can’t even handle yet, so that part of the dream is not revealed to our hearts until the time is right.
Whatever the journey is right now, whatever the dream – big or small, we can rest assured that (as another friend said, and I re-quote frequently) God wastes nothing. If you believe Him to be the God of all the details (and I definitely do) then you get this statement. He will put all our experiences to use – especially when we let Him.
And just think…
like with the overnight successes… one morning we could wake up to find a day where a dream or two will come true. The sleep might have been fitful or beautifully restful, but the morning brings word of His unfailing love. And with that the hope of dreams realised.
Busy Weekend
Apr 3rd
This weekend is yet another busy weekend, but one that I am really looking forward to. The overwhelming event of the weekend is Marked By Love going to North York Temple in Toronto for the Palm Sunday service, and all the rehearsals that go with that. But definitely looking forward to singing together and celebrating… I will marvel yet again at how it all plays out, I am sure. There are many things that seem exciting possibilities, so that adds to the anticipation even in all of the busy-ness.
I’ve already been out for a fine meal with friends and tried orange roughy for the first time. I really enjoyed it, but may never have it again after reading a little about it. We’ll see… a little anti-climactic there! But the company was great too… better than the food. The restaurant itself I also feel that I can and should recommend.
Saturday is “my” girl Allison’s 5th birthday. That is very unbelievable news to me. It seems like it was just the other day that she was born. Of all of my sister’s kids, she was the one I held the earliest, and she might even be the most like me in many ways. (Scary…. probably for both of us.) Anyway, we’re going out for breakfast in the morning, so I really shouldn’t still be up. But I’m looking forward to that… really hoping that she’ll enjoy it too.
In fitness news, I just did 13 consecutive knee-based push ups tonight. That’s a personal best so far. I was discouraged the other day that I wasn’t going to be able to advance to the 3rd week of the 100 push up plan (see hundredpushups.com and my plan to accomplish this goal) without repeating the 2nd week of the plan. I could hardly handle day 2 of this second week, so I could see the writing on the wall. After today’s session I was just shy of meeting the requirements to proceed to the 3rd week plan, BUT I was MUCH stronger than I expected to be today. Seeing this improvement already is definitely encouraging. Hopefully this second shot at the 2nd week will be much easier and my maximums will be much higher.
I also went for another fitness walk on Thursday, this time after work. That felt really good. I listened to some interesting podcasts while I was out and also found it easier to blow my cornet at band practice later on that night. I hope to get out on Sunday after getting back into Guelph… that will depend on the time and the weather, of course. The weirdest thing about my fitness walk on Thursday? The OPP police car ripping down Brant Avenue with full sirens blaring… and I was just about to cross the road…. very thankful that I waited on that decision hearing sirens somewhere.
Silly Songs, Sore Muscles, and Sudden Sleepiness
Mar 29th
Hmm, thinking about doing a “Silly Songs with Donna” segment on the olivepeopleonline.com website… and/or Facebook. More on that another time… that was just me thinking out loud.
Another weekend has come and gone. I’m so busy on my weekends lately (or should be… had to cancel a few recent sets of weekend plans due to bad health) that it’s a wonder that I look forward to them. But mostly I love my crazy weekends. Usually they mean I get to see wonderful people who I don’t see often enough and frequently bring a lot of music with them as well.
Part of this weekend was spent helping out my friends in the Ontario Central East (Toronto area) divisional youth chorus by filling in for their accompanist. I got play for them a lot last season, so it was nice to be able to return and play for them, catch up with them, etc. again. The amazingly motivated thing that I did before leaving Guelph to help them was take this 30-40 minute “fitness” walk around my neighbourhood – the first of its kind in a long while. Actually, I’m not sure I ever really did a “fitness” walk before.
The distinction I am making here is that I will take nice long walks, but they are more like strolls. This walk on Saturday was a walk with great intention to be exercising. Moving swiftly, doing some cardio, getting the blood pumping… And on Sunday I have sore muscles… muscles that I forgot I had… maybe even muscles that I have never made sore before… But it’s that “good” I-know-I-have-been-exercising-so-I-feel-better-about-myself-today kind of sore.
And now, I must retire… or at least go to bed and find some sleep. Listening to books on my iPod seems to do the trick lately. 
Until another post… O Live, People!
So Now What?
Mar 25th
About a month ago, in the mess of pre-anniversary weekend stuff, I was in a minor car accident. I was rear ended (in my lovely new car with less than 3000km on it at the time) in some messy weather. I didn’t see it coming… I didn’t brace myself, so the injury to myself was a little bit of stiffness for a day or so, and mostly just the shock of it all.
I did the common, yet admittedly risky, thing of not going through insurance — at the request of the person (let’s call her Sheila) who bumped into me. Sheila asked that of me, I told her I didn’t care as long as I got the money to cover the repairs, and we went from there. Now, being in the present day and age, automobile bumpers are no longer made of materials that actually endure being bumped into like, say, steel! No, now we have plastic bumpers that crack, or shatter, or (in my case) find a rather large screw permanently embedded in it. And so proper repairs do not come cheap. I wasn’t satisfied with a filler patch on my brand new car. That actually would have been nearly as expensive as the replacement… crazy eh? So, a full rear bumper replacement it was for me.
I had the repairs done and passed on the final cost to Sheila. Then, these past two Wednesdays I have met with my new acquaintance to receive partial payments from her. Tonight I received the outstanding amount and now we’re done. Sheila and I never have to meet or speak again.
The thing is… the bumper is fixed… the money is paid to me before the Visa bill has even come due… but can’t stop thinking about her. She’s not a bad person. She’s not an unreasonable person. It was a hard way to meet a new person, but overall I found Sheila to be nice and responsible, willing to take on the consequence of what happened. In our various conversations, perhaps most notably tonight’s, I have learned little pieces about Sheila and what she’s gone through this last little while. Basically I see somebody that needs… possibly longs for… a friend. We have next to nothing in common, except our bumpers meeting each other a month ago… and yet I find myself concerned for her and her welfare.
I think I might call her in a few weeks just to see how she is doing. So random. So out of my normal way of doing things. Yet so very likely that I will find myself doing just that.
Hi – my name is Donna Harris, and I just surprised myself again.
Location: Guelph
Mar 20th
Tonight I am in Guelph. I am in my room sitting on my bed. Probably blogging and chatting online while I should asleep instead. Soon enough that will come.
I am reading a super great book right now. Normally I wouldn’t go on too much about a book before I finish reading, but I have no concerns about this one. The book is called “Springtime Of The Soul” and it is written by Carole Hamm. Carole’s book came into our possession after a stay at her family run hotel in Lewisburg, PA last summer. The name of the hotel is the Country Cupboard Inn and each room has a complimentary copy waiting for each new set of visitors.
My mom devoured the book while we were there and many months later I am making my own way through it. The subtitle of the book is “A season of spiritual renewal and growth”. It’s a well timed read for me. I need something that is restorative and retreat-like in nature, as I have had to skip two retreat-type weekends in a row this month due to an annoying and nagging bug that just won’t let go.
My mom also has turned into a major supplier of sorts, circulating copies of this book to a number of others. And I see why now. I might just be finding myself doing the same in the not too far off future.
I don’t intend this blog post to be a book review. It is not organised or deep enough in nature to be that. But I do recommend this book already. And maybe I will launch into a book review? Who knows!
As for life in general, no recent trips but a few things coming up. And hopefully some other things worth mentioning at some point. But regardless, I hope to keep writing. I need to be doing this again. If nothing else, it will help later on when I’m finding myself farther afield.
Until the next time… O Live, People!
The 1st day of the rest of my life
Nov 5th
So, I have hit a breaking point today.
I have harboured all sorts of stress and strain, tried to be super-duper-woman, gotten more and more bitter, and have just been plain tired and stupid with my time.
So here I sit stretched out in bed, having left work early. About ready to conk out for a little while, if at all possible. But as I type here and reflect on the last few weeks, I see how warped I’ve let myself become. And am actually thankful for the humbling experiences of my day, and hopeful that it isn’t too late to recover from my own bad habits.
I need to find the joy again…. I know where it is found, I just don’t know why I haven’t been looking! And that’s what this blog is supposed to be about! The joy, the glory of the heart fully alive in Christ. So right now I am not fully alive… not quite dead either, but the pulse has weakened as my focus has shifted. Let us renounce the weakening pulse and spring up with renewed joy and passion for the God we serve and the life He calls us to live in order to show His Son to others. After I have my nap, that is…. This is definitely a moment for a quiet time to allow Him to renew my spirit. Thank God for sleep and rest.
